11/6/2022 0 Comments Can t get over my first love![]() Or just seeing me in so much pain and being unable to stop it. It can't be easy for my partner, John, seeing me weep for another man. I thought I'd cried my last tear for him long ago. Who is this person you keep crying over? I wonder too. I may have mentioned him once or twice to people I've met since parting from Nick, but that's it. I can't offload to friends too much because many of them haven't a clue who I'm grieving over. With previous bereavements, I've been able to share. Quilliam thinks grieving for past partners will become more common as we live longer and have several important relationships throughout our lives. This grief reaction takes you back to when he left." It's the same raw emotion, the same abandonment and loss experienced when it broke up. "I would completely expect this grieving to happen. You're happy in another relationship, and that wouldn't be possible if you hadn't recovered. I have constant earworms of old Al Stewart break-up songs – yes, it's that bad.ĭoes this mean I never got over it? No, definitely not says psychologist and relationship coach Susan Quilliam. I'm right back there, watching him pack, wishing like hell he wasn't going. ![]() I'm reliving the loss of our relationship all those years ago. But I've been very upset and can't work out why. Till then, I'd always assumed his death would mean nothing to me. But that day never came and he died a few weeks later. Apparently, he was really pleased to get my letter and planned to reply just as soon as he felt a bit better. I needed to let him know it turned out all right for me in case he still harboured guilt, which I knew from mutual friends he did for a while. That made it a lot easier for everyone who loved him. I just had time to get a letter to him to say goodbye. I went into a tailspin, which makes little sense to me. Then a few weeks ago, I heard that Nick had cancer and hadn't long to live. After a few years, I moved 200 miles away, met John with whom I've been very happily unmarried for 24 years and I never gave my ex another thought. I now realise these were just transitional relationships. For a while I thought I was doomed to attract men who didn't want to stay. There were other boyfriends but nothing lasted. I could no longer wish that Nick would return as his place was obviously with his wife and child. ![]() I was fairly sure a baby would soon follow as indeed happened. His years of I don't want to get married and have kids turned out to be I do. He wanted my blessing, but I was too devastated even to reply. I'd hoped he'd be my last, but it wasn't to be. ![]()
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